A Couple's Guide for Building Healthier Relationships with Money

By Ilana Jankowitz.

In your journey together through life, few things test a relationship like money. It can be a source of stress or a vehicle for achieving your wildest dreams and desires. 

For couples building their futures together, it's essential you create a healthy relationship with money that includes open communication about finances and setting shared goals, which allows you to enjoy your journey towards financial freedom.

Alignment over money 

For many couples, money can be a contentious issue. Whether it's your differing spending habits or conflicting financial goals, these differences can lead to friction. The key to overcoming this is alignment. When you both have a clear understanding and agree with what you want your money to do for you, it sets the stage for fewer conflicts and more collaborative planning.

So, how do you get into alignment? Well, it's very simple. You ask each other, "What do we want from our money?" 

This question opens a conversation that goes deeper than the surface level of income and expenses and into discussions about your hopes, fears, and expectations. Because financial alignment isn't just about paying bills or saving for retirement, it's about understanding what each of you values most and how money can help you achieve your desires.

Understanding triggers and planning for the future

It's crucial that both of you understand what your spending triggers and saving impulses are. For example, are you an emotional spender? Is your partner cautious about spending on anything other than essentials? Understanding patterns like these can prevent misunderstandings and help each of you to feel respected and heard.

When it comes to future planning, this isn't just about setting goals, it's also about building a clear, actionable plan for achieving them. This means discussing and deciding on key elements such as investments, savings, and even retirement plans, and making your money work and grow so you can secure the future you both dream of. You may also want to consider setting up a joint account for shared expenses or savings goals. This not only simplifies your money management but also builds a positive framework of trust and mutual responsibility.

And, while it's not always the most comfortable conversation, it's vital that you're also clear on things like wills, power of attorney, and knowing where all your critical financial information is stored. 

Collaboration, not abdication 

In a healthy financial relationship, you are equally informed and engaged in where your money's going. The only way to achieve this is to ensure that neither of you abdicates your financial responsibility entirely to the other. 

Financial decisions need to be made together so you're both on the same page and fully aware of the implications of choices being made. Collaborating in this way strengthens your relationship and enhances your joint financial literacy.

A real-life transformation 

When women go through my Guided Group Money Coaching programme, they often tell me that an obstacle to them joining sooner had been a lack of understanding from their partner about the value of coaching and how it would change their money situation and future for the better. 

Once they've completed the program and become more financially savvy, so much changes because they feel empowered to stop abdicating all financial responsibility to their partners.

A testament to this transformation comes from Ry, a husband whose wife participated in my 9-week program. In his review, he shared the following: 

"My wife recently completed Ilana's 9-week program and I have seen big changes in her attitude and knowledge around handling money. Possibly for the first time she is really on top of "where it all goes". As a family our conversations have shifted. We no longer talk about stuff we should buy but more experiences we should have together and what we should invest in. Money is no longer considered an obstacle but more of a tool that can be harnessed to help fulfill our dreams. It's fair to say that we as a couple, and us as a whole family, have really benefited." 

This couple's story really illustrates the power of transforming your approach to money and how it can enrich your relationship and, in fact, turn financial planning into an exciting part of your journey together rather than it being a thorn in your side.

I hope my ideas have helped you see that money doesn't have to be a barrier but can be a bridge to achieving your shared dreams. It's about more than just numbers; it's about creating a life together that's rich in experiences and mutual fulfilment. 

If you'd like more insights on mindful money matters and how to turn financial planning into a rewarding part of your relationship, sign up for our newsletter. I'd love to help you transform your relationship with money from a source of stress into a resource for achieving the life you truly desire and deserve.

lIana Jankowitz is a certified Money Coach, born and raised in South Africa and currently residing in Zurich. Her work involves identifying behavioural patterns around money, transforming negative thinking, and moving from a self-destructive mindset to one that is positive and inspiring.

Passionate about helping women break free from self-doubt, low self-esteem, and lack of self-confidence and move towards financial liberation, she can help you with her free money quiz, Empower Your Finances: Money Makeover for Women event, Guided Group course or the Valuing Your Services Ebook.

You can read all about Ilana and her work here or on any of her social pages Facebook | LinkedIn|Twitter|Instagram |YouTube