Asking For Help 101

When I posted about starting the process of writing a book, I received the most generous offers of help from others who’ve gone through it. Their kindness gave me all the warm and fuzzy feelings, and I’ve had a smile in my heart and face ever since.

In the past, I have been more in the camp of: 

• I can figure this out on my own
• I don’t want to ask dumb questions
• I can find anything myself on the interwebs 
• Never look like you don’t know what you’re doing 
• Exhaust yourself trying to figure out everything you can before asking for any help

Crap like that. And crap like the following, because we’re raised in an ‘asking for help, means your weak’ society 

• Do it yourself
• Don’t ask for help
• Asking for help means you’re weak
• They’ll think you can’t do it all yourself
• You’re less than other women on your Fb, or IG feeds 
• You’re not good enough
• Your mom did all the things
• People will think less of you if you admit you’re not able to do the work of 3 people

Continuing to believe that asking for help is weak will get you more burnout, resentment, frustration, irritability, and unhappy relationships with yourself and those around you. 

It makes complete sense how you came to have this belief, especially if you saw this in your parents growing up, and it’s your responsibility to change it if it’s not working for you. We can rage against all the systems that got us here, or we can channel that energy into practising small ways to change it, so we’re not raging lunatics to ourselves and the people around us.

It’s not our fault that we’re here, and it’s our responsibility to do the work to change this pattern if it’s not working for you—no blaming, shaming, or judging because that’ll only keep you treading water and stuck. You get to change your mind about thinking that asking for help is weak. What has that thought brought you? I’m guessing pretty miserable and feeling like sh*t.

So what’s a human to do then? 

• You need to see this isn’t working anymore and that something needs to change.
• Accept where you’re at, with as much compassion as you can muster, and want a change.
• Take little kitten steps in the direction you want to go. Marie Kondo, your emotional and physical load by making a list of what you do. Don’t barf or go postal over the list. You’re just collecting data like a scientist or detective. Then ask yourself what little thing you could delegate? Start small, nothing huge. This will create a feeling of safety inside you and feel more doable. You want to stretch your comfort zone, not snap it. Expect to feel uncomfortable. You’re changing a dynamic and asking someone to do something they may not be used to. It’s ok. No one will die.

When you’re burnt out, stressed, and someone just ran over your last nerve, it’s time to make a change, and you have the power and control to do it. None of us has a knight in shining armour on a horse coming to say, “Holy shit beautiful, you’ve been doing way too much for way too long. Go to the spa for a week and everything will be different when you get back.”

We are our knights!  

We are the ones we’ve been waiting for!  

You’ve got this, and I’ve got your back!

 Jenn Baron is a Certified Life Coach. She helps women see what's going on in their brains, decide if it's working for them, and share easy-to-implement tools that get them the results they want. Fast.

To learn more about how Jenn can help you, check out her site or IG.