Daring Greatly and the Courage to Choose: Why Avoiding Pleasure and Pain Is Keeping You Stuck

 By Tricia Scott. 

This past weekend, I spent some time listening to some of my favourite women in business, the gals who, no matter how I'm feeling, always give me that 'hell yes' energy; in this weekend's case, it was Brene Brown and Gala Darling.

Note →: Do you have a playlist of your go-to girls? If not, I highly recommend it (along with the CEO Radio playlist, obvs).

Whenever I make time for this listening ritual, which admittedly, isn't as often as I'd like, I always come away with approximately 10,000,000 insights, so bear with me as I choose just one or two to share with you today. I also realise that when the mood to invest in my mental wellbeing strikes me, it's never just about me; it's about receiving the messages we all need to hear, so perhaps this will resonate with you too. 

Listening to these amazing people this weekend, the message that stood out most to me was the surprising idea of simultaneously avoiding pleasure and pain.

But what does that mean?

It means hedging our bets, choosing the middle ground, avoiding the extremes of both immense pleasure and crushing disappointment. At first, listen, I was like, 'Well that sounds sensible.' but the more I thought about it, the more I looked around, and the realisation hit me, brick-like to the face (subtilities don't work well for me). Staying in the middle is what most people do and most people never get to experience everything they could be. 

Think about it. Consider your favourite inspirational people living their best lives and enjoying the fruits of their labour. Do they stay in the middle? I'm willing to bet that they don't. I'm also willing to bet they've experienced amazing, incredible highs and crushing, devastating lows because that's what living is all about, and it's a choice.

Let me ask you this. What happened the last time you created something?

Did you read (or watch) it, love it, give yourself a mental high five, hit send with a resounding 'whoop', then jump on a live to tell everyone how amazing it is? Or do you read (or watch) it over, dissect it, tone it down a bit, then add more in because it's now a bit sparse, and send a test email to 500 of your closest friends to make sure it's not too much or offensive or god forbid, funny then hit send while holding your breath and with your eyes closed?

I get it; I really do, and trust me, the fear of judgment strikes us all (sometimes daily if you're doing it right). Everything we say and do on or offline will elicit an opinion. I blame social media, mobile phones, the press, the internet, the world, and the universe... Let's face it: the digital age is the biggest blessing and curse ever. It has allowed us to communicate our message and products to the entire world. It's given us online communities, virtual meeting spaces, and the ability to network and form friendships and relationships that could never have happened prior. It also gave us keyboard creeps, faceless opinions without fear or repercussion, and competition like never before.

So what to do?

Firstly, a decision needs to be made. If you want more, choose it. Decide that you want a BIG life and understand that experiencing all of the emotions will come with a rollercoaster-esque range of experiences.

Secondly, accept that you're not (and nor do you want to be) for everyone. When you use your voice, some people will love you and become your ride-or-die supporters, and some won't. It's all about who's reading, watching, or listening. You could try to avoid judgment altogether by not saying anything, ever, or by declaring that you LOVE everything and you HATE everything, but really, where does that leave you?

Nowhere, that's where.

If you decide (and you can) to stay in the middle, then you won't be loved or hated. You get to avoid the scaries, and admittedly, that sounds appealing sometimes, but by declaring a middle ground and not having an opinion on, well, anything at all, you also lose the ability to be memorable.

If you want a tribe of raging fans telling their friends how you or your business changed their lives, then the middle ground isn't for you. (I already knew that btw, because you're here). 

Choose today. Be unapologetically and gorgeously you. Speak your truth and worry less about everyone loving everything you do because they won't, and in my opinion, that's the best outcome. Stay in your lane; be true to yourself, and your people will love you for it—like, love you. Aim for and focus on that, and you'll go far.

I'll leave you with this epic quote from Brené:

"I want to be in the arena. I want to be brave with my life. And when we make the choice to dare greatly, we sign up to get our asses kicked. We can choose courage, or we can choose comfort, but we can't have both. Not at the same time."

You are not most people, so stop acting like you are. This is your time, your one life. Make it count. 

I believe in you (always)

👉🏼If you want to journey with me through 2024, I email our Hello CEO mailing list every Monday. To join, head to The Homepage and sign up!

Tricia Scott is a passionate startup business mentor and the Founder and Editor of The Female CEO - Create Evolve Overcome, a platform and digital magazine holding the space to showcase female entrepreneurs from all over the world. 

The Female CEO is gaining global recognition daily and Tricia is able to bring her own level of expertise as a start-up mentor and multi-company director to her very exclusive table along with her team of brilliant Guest Editors and Contributors. You'll usually find her with her MacBook in one hand and a coffee or a glass of something fizzy in the other. Reach out anytime!