How To Worry Less

By Jenn Baron,

Listen up peeps, this is a game-changer!! Grab a beverage and get comfy in your seat.

A worry is a thought that pops into your head that's out of your control. It's like a cloud floating across the sky, a leaf falling from a tree, and it's not a problem.

Worrying on the other hand, is an unhelpful habit that leads to anxiety, and it is in your control even though you might not see or feel that yet. Hang with me cuz I got your back, Sunshine!

An example of a worry is, "Oh sh*t I forgot to pay the mortgage!" That thought popped into your head, and now you can take action to rectify it.

Worrying can sound like, "Oh f*ck I forgot to pay the mortgage and now the bank is going to give me a late fee and it's the second time and OMG will they foreclose on the house? Where will we live? We CANNOT move in with my parents, I really messed up this time!!"

Do you see that worry is a thought that just pops into your head, and worrying is a behaviour you're participating in? The distinction is super important!

Worrying is like allowing free-range chickens to come inside your house and crap all over the place instead of the approved area in your yard. You let them call the shots, decide where they will go, and rule the roost. What are you going to get if you do this? A house full of sh*t!

What those chickens and worrying need are compassionate boundaries. You need to put the chickens back into the approved area of the yard, close the gate, and shut the door to your house. They lovingly aren't allowed to come in.

The same thing applies to worrying. It's a habit, and a habit is something you've done repeatedly that's gotten wired into your brain. And remember, the beautiful thing about our brains is their plasticity, meaning it's changeable! When worrying is given boundaries, it does not need to run free range in your brain and ruin your day or life. You become aware of what's happening and can change the pattern to one that feels better and serves you. You may think you don't have any control over worrying, but that's just an error in your belief about it because you've let it run around on its own for so long. It's what you're used to.

Worrying feels productive—like you're working toward a solution—but you're actually just sitting in a dirty diaper. You're in the energy of the problem, not a solution. What you focus on and give attention to grows, so you're actually putting Miracle-Gro on the issue. We also mistakenly believe worrying means we care. No, just no. I am not participating in that anymore. Don't keep sitting in a dirty diaper. Instead, take kitten steps to get on with your amazing life!

What the heck do you do to turn down the volume on worrying and, therefore, anxiety?

Schedule time to worry!

Yep, you're going to add "worrying" to your calendar.

In addition to worrying being a free range chicken making a mess in your life; it's also like a toddler that feels ignored and is trying to get your attention and will keep getting louder until you pay attention to it. Your brain wants to know that you hear its warnings (worrying) and will take action if needed. It's ONLY concerned with your survival, and if it thinks you're ignoring its messages about potential threats, you can bet your ass that it's going to get louder!

Scheduling time to worry accomplishes both! Your brain (toddler) feels heard, and the chickens (worrying) have a time and place to do their business.

And in case you've tried the old, "I just keep telling myself to stop worrying or thinking about the thing," I have a question and suggestion. How's that working? 

It never worked for me!

The suggestion: do not think about polar bears.

Just stop; don't think about their fur, huge paws, or how adorable they are as cubs.

What are you thinking about?

Polar bears, exactly! So let's give worry an approved time for it to do its thing.

Set aside 10 minutes each day to worry. Get a legal pad, a boring notebook (you do not need another journal!), or anything you have lying around. 

Set your phone's timer for 10 minutes and write. 

Don't concern yourself with the content! It's not about what you write, it's about rewiring and training your brain that this is when it can worry, tell you all the scary things, and "crap everywhere." 

Just make a list: money, the email I sent, Amy's math test, spending time with my MIL, John's doctor's appt., my quarterly review, my book's deadline, etc.

If you've made your list and your timer hasn't gone off, take the first thing on your list and go deeper with it, still not paying attention to the content. Still have time? Go deeper with the second thing on your list, not paying attention to content, just free-writing.

When your timer goes off, stop.

I've been ripping out the page from my $.99 notebook and tearing the page into little pieces. It's a physical ritual to let them go and release them to whatever so they're not running around in my head. Do whatever feels good to you. I like the idea and act of ripping 'em up and letting 'em go as opposed to saving and looking at them again. You don't do that with a diaper. Let that sh*t go! Just like my fave coffee mug says!

Jenn, can I use my computer or phone to do this practice? Use whatever method is going to get you to do it. And there is science behind using a piece of paper that shows it's more beneficial, but again, you do you Boo and find what works for you!

So what do you do when a worry pops in your head outside of your worry time? First, don't freak out about it. It'll happen throughout your day. They're no big deal, like clouds floating by, and not a problem. You can take quick action if needed to resolve the issue.

When your brain starts worrying because it's simply a habit you've created, remind it either, "We've had our worry time today or we're having it later," depending on what time of day you do it. Thank your brain for the info (you're acknowledging the toddler), and tell it you two will get back to it during your next scheduled worry time. I also tell myself, "raincheck" We're taking a raincheck on worrying until our next scheduled time. It feels heard, and I'm compassionately corralling it instead of letting it run everywhere.

I sh*t you not friends, this is working for me and has taken the volume of worrying and anxiety down to a 1 or 0. Something I've worried about on and off to varying degrees for 24+ years is barely a blip on the screen since I've been doing this practice!! 

Practice this for 30 days. I know you can find 10 minutes daily to help yourself worry less and feel less anxiety the other 23 hours and 50 minutes. 

I also ask myself a beneficial question: what would I do if I wasn't worried about this? "If I wasn't worried about 'X,' I would…" and then I do that. It's been freeing, empowering, confidence-boosting, and it's changing my life.

This is super simple stuff, but don't let its simplicity fool you into thinking it can't help you with the big and important things you're worrying about—even more reason to do this for 30 days. You've got nothing to lose except sh*t all over your house (mind) and everything to gain, like more energy, time, clarity, self-confidence, and self-trust. 

You have the ability to help yourself, and I really hope you do this 30-day practice with me. Personally, I plan to do it forever.

 Jenn Baron is a Certified Life Coach. She helps women see what's going on in their brains, decide if it's working for them, and share easy-to-implement tools that get them the results they want. Fast.

To learn more about how Jenn can help you, check out her site or IG.