Loving More is Always the Answer

By Ilana Jankowitz.

With mental health issues, depression, anxiety, and financial uncertainty at an all-time high could radical self-love and an empowering community be the lifeline we need?

Self-love is one of those things that can often be misunderstood as being self-indulgent and, dare I say it, egotistical! As women, we're taught from a young age that we should give our love and attention to everyone else first and keep ourselves as far down the list of importance as possible. Doing so makes us a 'good' woman, a 'kind' woman. And if we don't embrace these noble acts of sacrifice, we are selfish and, to some, unlovable!

But can we truly love others unconditionally if we don't first love ourselves in that way?

Self-love is a personal journey.

Self-love is so much more than simply taking time out for massages and long hot candlelit bubble baths (although they're wonderful)! It's a deeply personal and unique journey of self-discovery. No one can tell you how to love yourself, and only you know your own heart and your wants, needs and desires. I can point you in the right direction and share tools that have transformed mine and my client's lives, but the magic formula for your experience of self-love lies within you.

So, pick and choose from the tools you come across. Try things on, and adapt them to suit your needs. And above all, let your inspiration guide you every step of the way.

If you wouldn't say it to your best friend, don't say it to yourself!

If you're anything like the rest of us, you probably have an inner voice that is world-class at tearing you down and criticising you instead of being compassionate and reassuring.

If this is true for you, one of the most transformative and loving things you can do is change how you talk to yourself. Imagine having an inner voice that's comforting and compassionate and empowers you, rather than criticising and abusing you!

When your inner voice starts berating you, try to catch it in the act and write down what it's saying. Getting that voice out of your head and down on paper immediately reduces its power. Then ask yourself this simple question: "Would I talk to my best friend like this?". And 99.99% of the time, the answer is no, you wouldn't dream of it! Heck, you probably wouldn't even talk to your worst enemy like it! So don't speak to yourself that way either!

Do what makes you happy.

Do you know what makes you happy? It's pretty shocking how many of us don't. We understand what makes our partners, friends, and families happy. But when it comes to our joy, we draw a blank.

Asking yourself, "What makes me happy?" and bringing those things into your life is a game-changer! And it doesn't have to be big things. An accumulation of lots of small things can make a huge difference.

Here's a little list of some of my happy things to kickstart your inspiration…

• Curling up in a comfy chair with a good book and a steaming cup of cocoa
• Watching the sunrise and/or sunset
• Drinking tea from a teapot with a beautiful china cup and saucer
• Crunchy sweet Pink Lady apples
• Walking in the woods
• Candlelight
• Laughing with my best friends
• Lazy Sunday mornings with my hubby
• Writing in a beautiful journal with my favourite pen
• My favourite brand of herbal tea

Discovering what makes you happy and doing those things regularly creates a beautiful connection with your soul. So, make your own happiness list and bring as many of those things into your daily life as you can and feel your self-love blossom.

Fall in love with money!

Does the idea of loving money trigger you? Have you ever noticed how the relationship you have with money directly reflects the relationship you have with yourself! Ignore it and disrespect it, and it suffers and stagnates. But when you engage with it, nurture it and appreciate it, it blossoms and grows! So, I'm sure you can appreciate that creating a healthy relationship with money is vitally important for self-love.

Just like your relationship with yourself, your money needs time and attention. And the more engaged you are with your bank accounts and the flow of your money, the more empowered you'll feel.

Respecting and looking after money requires you to respect and look after yourself. I've seen so many women completely transform their lives by simply changing how they interact with their finances. Their confidence grows, and they feel more independent. They begin spending their money wisely. And they feel empowered to talk about money more openly.

The love we find in communities.

I've always known how important community is. Still, until recently, I never quite appreciated just how profoundly it could impact the depth of self-love in the individuals that are part of it. Lately, I've been privileged to witness the transformation of the women who join my Guided Group coaching program. Now, while I know the program's content is transformational in and of itself, it's the deeply profound impact of being in a community together that has blown me away.

Through loving and supporting each other, the women are flourishing in the most beautiful ways. They're letting go of old stories and conditioning around money and how safe they feel being in a community. They're accepting and loving themselves and each other and creating friendships and bonds that transcend their time in the program.

The group's collective consciousness is transforming them all to the point where their self-love is overflowing into every area of their lives.
I want to end with this. When you fill yourself up with your own love first, everyone else has the joy of receiving from your abundant overflow, which is the greatest gift you can give.

I hope you've found some interesting points to reflect on. And if you'd like to explore things further, feel free to reach out to me – I would love to support you. You can either take my Money Quiz and book a free call with me. Or, if finding out about your money relationship isn't your thing, and you want to skip straight to a free call, click here and book a time in my diary. I can't wait to connect with you.

 Ilana Jankowitz is a certified Money Coach born and raised in South Africa and currently residing in Zurich. Her work is all about identifying behavioural patterns around money, transforming negative thinking and moving from a self-destructive mindset to one that is positive and inspiring.

She is passionate about helping women to break free from self-doubt, low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence and move towards financial liberation and she can help you too with her free money quiz.  You can read all about Ilana and her work here or on any of my social pages Facebook | LinkedIn | Twitter | Instagram | YouTube