Tell Me More

By Jenn Baron.

A coaching client recently told me about a conversation she had with her kiddo, who'll be starting kindergarten soon. They were in the car together, and her kiddo shared that they were nervous about going. She heard their angst and went into "mama mode" and listed all the reasons they would have a great time and would be just fine. 

I asked if I could make a suggestion. I said the next time they, or anyone for that matter, comes to you with a statement of concern, apprehension, or anxiety, pause. It's in our nature to want to ease, comfort, or solve the problem, especially moms and women, because they're used to metaphorically putting out the fires as quickly as possible. Fast reaction time is literally wired into our brains and bodies. 

Instead of jumping in with why they will be fine or that the situation will work out in the end; invite the other person to tell you more. When you ask the other person to tell you more, you do so many beautiful things simultaneously.

•  You're allowing them to use their voice and express what's on their mind and heart. There's so much value in speaking up and giving voice to our thoughts and feelings. More often than not, we just need to be seen, heard and witnessed.
•  You're allowing them to tell you what they want/need instead of trying to figure it out yourself. Sit back, relax, and "let them come to you." You don't have to solve anything; just be present. Imagine how much more energy you'd have if you stopped trying to fix all the things that others are capable of fixing for themselves. 
•  You're unconsciously sending the other person the message that "I believe you can handle the feelings/situation," and I'm here to help if you want it. You're holding space for their feelings without jumping in like they need to be changed or fixed. This demonstrates respect and trust in the other person's ability to navigate their feelings. This takes practice on your part. It's not easy at first, but it's very doable.

You can use "tell me more" with almost everyone. Those three words will give all involved greater clarity, autonomy over themselves, and confidence. 

"Tell me more "is a win-win. Try it and see what happens. 

You got this, Sunshine, and I've got your back!

 Jenn Baron is a Certified Life Coach. She helps women see what's going on in their brains, decide if it's working for them, and share easy-to-implement tools that get them the results they want. Fast.

To learn more about how Jenn can help you, check out her site or IG.