The Entrepreneurial 'Dance’ and the Power of Setting Your Intentions

By Dino Tartaglia.

In my (many) years in Business, and esp. in the coaching game, helping people who are brilliant at what they do to wrap a thriving business around who they are and what they want - rather than the other way around (which leads to nothing but pain)...

… I've found that most have a disconnect between their life events and the game of Business. Somehow, they think the rules are different, but they're really not.

Why?

That's a simple answer: we're dealing with Human Nature. It's just people, all the way down. I'm going to share a very personal story to illustrate this.

Some of it may jar. Some of it may land a little askew. But, hopefully, most of it will hit you where you live, and if so, that's a good thing. Anywho, see if it resonates…

Failure isn't the end… unless it's The End.

At Success Engineers (SE) we teach that there are three 'variants' of what's commonly called 'Failure':

Falling - you get knocked down, you get back up, you go again

The Japanese have a terrific saying for this, "Nana karobi ya oki" - Literally, "fall seven times, get up eight."

Failing - it didn't work, so you try again in a different way. Not dissimilar to above, but with less perseverance and more tenacity (if you're unsure why I make this distinction between these terms, check out my links at the end of this article and come ask me what I mean 😉)

Failure - in our lexicon, this means when you wrap up, roll down the curtain, give up and go home. In simple terms, it's the end of the journey, and you never go back and have another go.

So, put bluntly, if you keep trying, there is no failure.

More importantly, you don't self-identify as a 'failure', i.e. someone who couldn't make the grade or wasn't up to the job, because you know that your story hasn't ended (yet).

And yet, when it comes to finding and approaching potential clients, we allow ourselves to be put off by 'failing' far too easily, often turning that into 'faiilure', i.e. we stop reaching out and hide behind our emails and content.

Imagine that you were dating. There are RULES of engagement which we all - as sensible, rational, decent human beings would (I hope) - subscribe to and observe.

Like you don't expect or ask for marriage if you've just agreed to grab your first coffee with someone new. At that first meeting, you use a blend of data, instinct and feedback to decide if this person's worth another meeting or more or if you sack them off as a bad or poor fit.

We've all been there - the 'nice' guy or woman who just didn't do anything for us despite all the 'markers' (data) pointing to them being near-perfect on paper. Yet, when you met, the energy was all wrong.

But let's say that the first meeting went well. What next?

Well, would you expect to be asked for your hand in marriage (or suggest this)? That'd be a tad creepy, don't you think? And yet, this is EXACTLY the kind of thing that we fall prey to in entrepreneurship, trying to collapse time before we're even sure of the relationship or circumstances.

Which, as we'll come to later in this article, is utterly backwards (but distressingly common, so don't panic if this is you - you're definitely not alone).

Now, let's put this into context with an analogous story. The story of Barbara Sbrocca - and why (like her) you should never just 'settle' for 'OK.'

So, there I was, having decided that Online Dating caused me as much Brain Damage as Small Business Breakfast Meetings, staring at this profile on Ourtime after this GLORIOUS woman who looked like an absolute ball-breaker* decided she liked me enough to reach out.

I'd already decided to turn off my profile and abandon the whole dating thing, having been single for a number of years (with a few 'dalliances', but nothing serious in that time). Then, out of nowhere, this quite fierce-sounding, clearly intelligent, beautiful woman says, "Let's chat".

I read her profile and all I could see (and hear) was,

"If you're like this - NO!"

"If you believe this - NO!"

"If you act like this - NO!"

You get the point.

And truthfully, I'd seen SO many of these before, usually hiding a history of abuse and betraying an underlying lack of confidence. "I want ALL the 'sixes' "[six-figure, six foot, six pack] - you know the type of thing. To be clear, I'm not judging any woman who puts these types of messages out on their dating profile, but it's always been a big turn-off for me (esp. as I'm just 5'4" [163cm] tall and definitely don't have a six-pack 🤣).

It just says to me that they're probably 'quantum leaping' from a bad situation to an almost mythically good aspiration and probably bypassing a lot of really good men in the process.

And don't get me started on the men… sheesh! That's a blog article or three in its own right.

Anyway, back to the point…

Barbara's energy was different.

Her profile message was clear, direct and unequivocal.

• I like this.
• I don't like that.
• I'm like this.
• I'm not like that.

There was no 'wishlist here'

Just a set of intentions and CLEAR boundaries that seemed to be solid.

And THIS was the key difference. Most women I'd seen fitting the 'All the sixes' profile had 'wishlists', hoping they'd find a match - Barbra had BOUNDARIES. She knew precisely what would work for her, without equivocation or ambiguity and sifted through all the obvious 'Nos' until we found each other (and even then, she wasn't certain 🤦‍♂️🤣)

Was this challenging? No question.

But I'd asked for this (more on that later), so I was intrigued and a little excited, truth be told.

*(Let me quickly qualify the 'ball-breaker' epithet. One thing I've found about Barbara, and any woman who is that clear in their thinking about what they want and don't want, is they're brilliant at setting and enforcing boundaries that enable them to stay true to their values, attract people who will honour that and repel those who won't (or don't). They're not really 'ball-breakers' in the conventional sense of the term - they just won't stand for any behaviour that violates their principles, and I love that. It's also a HUGELY important point for you in your search for your Ideal Client. Don't be so afraid of losing someone who 'might' be a good fit that you turn away someone who definitely will be an ideal match).

Barbara also included three profile pictures showing herself in her best light and in a pose that I suspected was (correctly, as it turned out) designed to turn off those guys who were all about looks. It was her as I've come to know and love her, but looking decidedly 'intense' - easy to confuse with an angry or irritated look - certainly not what one would put out as their 'best' photo.

And yet, she totally hooked my interest and made me want to know more about her. Why??

Speak to YOUR Ideal Client

When I decided to get back into the dating game, I spoke with a dear friend, Ionit Sabatello, a phenomenal Love & Relationship coach. She said, 'Set your Intentions. Write down exactly who and what you want from a partner, and what you also bring to the table. Be clear and specific.'

So, for the first time in my entire life, I did precisely that.

1. What did I want, and why?
2. What did I NOT want, and why?
3. Who was likely to light the spark in me (and why)?
4. What was I bringing to the table?
5. What did I need to work on to be the best partner for this person that I could be?

That was it.

I wrote it all down - including the "I want her to challenge me and make me want to be better" thing - set fire to it (yep, literally burned the paper and watched the ashes fly into the ether) and then forgot about it.

4 months later, I've just written to Ourtime to suspend my account and up pops Barbara Sbrocca from Rome, Italy - out of nowhere. My Ideal Woman, the woman of my dreams, showed up, and I wasn't really looking anymore.

So, why did this happen?

Two things:

1. She set her intentions out clearly and knew who and what she was looking for, but was open to that appearing in whatever form it would come in. In short, she filtered the fluff and the bad fits, then was happy to work through whoever showed up from what was left.
2. I set my intentions. I knew who I wanted and was equally open to discussing whether anyone who got through the net and piqued my interest would be a match.

This is EXACTLY how we work in Business.

You don't randomly throw out content, hoping it'll land with your perfect client. You craft messages that precisely speak to their desires, pains & aspirations. When they read your stuff, they know that you can help them.

And, because you're genuine, when they chat with you, there's congruence - there's no disconnect between what you project and the experience that they have.

Exactly like the experience Barbara and I had.

I found a woman that I almost instantly fell in love with, and thank goodness, she felt the same. But it didn't happen by chance. Sure, the Universe moved in to help us, but we made the original moves to stack the deck in our favour, and this is exactly what you need to do with your 'entrepreneurial dating' and remember…

If prospecting and converting clients hasn't been working well for you up until now, there are a couple of BIG clues here as to why that's happening.

Stacking the Deck for Success

Here's a summary of how to tackle this and stack the deck in your favour:

CLARIFY - Clearly set your Intentions: what do you want from your Business and why?

CRYSTALISE - What type of client will deliver that (describe this - your Ideal Client Profile or 'avatar' in detail). Envision what that client will look, sound and act like. How will the experience of working with them be?

What do you need to do to 'woo' your Ideal Client? What will your messaging say, and how will it land with them favourably? What could you offer that would be compelling for them?

CLOSE - Really, this is where you invite them to take a look at you and what you offer in a LOT more depth. It's not quite the 'do or die' phase of the relationship, but if you handle it well, even if they say 'No,' that could mean just 'not yet'. And if your offer is compelling enough, chances are, it'll be a resounding 'Yes!'

And one final piece of advice.

Simon & I have a methodology we call 'stairstepping'. It's a super-simple approach to achieving anything by envisioning the outcome and then building a staircase that allows you to get there, one step at a time.

Building and following the process shifts your focus away from the outcome, and onto the step, you're on and the step in front of you because "When you're looking at the scoreboard, you're not focused on playing the game."

With Barbara, that looked like this:

1. Examine - chat online and see if the vibe felt right
2. Engage - hop on a WhatsApp video call and check out if our sense of this was on point.
3. Explore - much more depth and time, exploring who we were and how we roll
4. Extend - this was where I invited Barbara to come to one of our events, a BIG test for both of us
5. Enroll - the stage where we knew we were a fit and committed to each other

My ONLY job at each stage was to see if we moved to the next step or left it where it was and moved on. If I'd gone for the 'kill' from the first conversation… or even when Barbara landed in the UK - I'd have blown it.

As the US Navy Seals say, "Slow is smooth, and smooth is fast" - have a sense of urgency, but don't be in a hurry ← read that at least twice.

In the entrepreneurial version of this process, you stop chasing 'marriage', i.e. getting a sale from your Ideal Client, and focus on giving them the best experience of your 'first date' that you can. Then, you focus on having another coffee or lunch, i.e., giving them more help or value.

Then you might go to the movies or have dinner, i.e., you start chatting about how you could help them in more depth. And, eventually, if you guys are hitting it off, you'll make the Offer, and you'll get not just a sale but the ability to help someone who will become a long-term client and perhaps a raving fan.

That's the entrepreneurial version of marriage, kids, and a white picket fence. The whole package.

I truly hope this has proven helpful for you.

If you'd like to get more of this thinking and further insights that will help you on your Success Journey, feel free to connect with me or contact me directly. You can reach me via any of the mechanisms/contact info below.

Better still, experience being directly coached by Simon & me in our thriving Community free for 30 days at: https://www.successengineers.co/Test-SU/

And if you need some more in-depth help, I'm about to launch another intake of my 90-Day Cohort. Right now, you can get in for just a fraction of my 121 coaching price, but it'll feel like 121 coaching with me (because that's actually part of the Cohort experience - we do some 121 sessions).

Go here to find out more.

(The video was shot in Chamonix, France, where the picture of Barbara and I was taken, and it's pretty jerky, but the audio is good, and the points I made are clear. The message here is that you don't have to be perfect to get your point across and make a good impression. Check it out 😉)

To your inevitable Success.

Dino Tartaglia is a former Electronics Engineer, now a businessman, mentor, coach and troubleshooter working to help you, if you’re a coach, consultant, creative or service provider, to Build a Joyful, Dependable Business around Being Brilliant at What You Do. 

In his own coaching, and together with world-class coach Simon Hartley, the other half of Success Engineers (their joint business), he helps you to improve your thinking to ask better questions, so that you solve the right problems in your business at the right time, develop your own personal performance as a business owner and get closer to What Matters Most. 

You can find Dino in our FB Group , on his  website or on any of these other locations; Facebook | LinkedIn | Twitter | Instagram |PodCast - Back Bedroom to Big Business