Why You Might Need to Get a Tutor for Your Teen

By Ana Maria Ocampo Lucumi

Parents often come to me once they have given up. They’ve tried to get their teenager to be a thriving, independent learner. They’ve tried to watch over them and monitor their progress. They’ve even tried passing on YouTube channels to their children in the hope of improved academic results. 

I usually work with young people by the point when time is running low. Either mock exams are coming up, students are at risk of being dropped from their course, mock results have just been received or even the actual GCSE/A-level exams are upcoming in less than two months. That’s when it clicks for these parents “they’re not going to make their target grade”. 

It can feel devastating that the child you have cared for and watched grow into a teenager suddenly has an obstacle ahead with potentially life-altering consequences. My response to these parents as a Maths tutor is always the same – all is not lost, let’s see what we can do. 

I empathise entirely with the feelings that these parents bring to me at initial consultations, during progress catch-ups and even in our usual message exchanges. Parents are anxious to see progress; they want their child to see improved results at the next available class test, they want their child to move up a set, and they want the predicted grade for UCAS increased to match the requirements of the ideal pathway for their child. Part of my job as a tutor is to help parents manage these feelings and start to see their children in a different light. Their worth isn’t tied to that grade; their life prospects will not be shut down immediately if this grade isn’t achieved; progress takes time and sometimes cannot be measured in one class test. Once we can move past this, parents are able to celebrate their children’s milestones again, they can give praise in places where criticism had previously taken over. Parents can leave me to educate using marginal gains to see an overall improvement in engagement, anxiety reduction and increased sense of achievement while they go back to doing the parenting. 

A shift of perspective

The reality is that everyone learns at a different pace than each other. 

Even as adults, when we receive training, there are moments when it feels like you blink and the topic has changed; everyone is now completing a task, and you don’t quite know where to start. Imagine that every day, multiple times a day, across numerous subjects. 

Young people are trying their best to do their best – that is something I hold as an absolute truth in all that I do. However, sometimes, with all the best will in the world, a full bladder, a ruptured friendship or even a rumbling tummy can get the better of their attention, and all of a sudden, that key concept that they need to grasp gets missed, making the rest of the lesson practically a write-off. 

Another aspect that differentiates the pace of learning for each student is their learning needs. Some students learn better with examples; others prefer to try it themselves first. Some want to work with their peers, while others need to work in a completely silent room. The pace of the spoken explanation by the teacher will make a difference to how each learner can process the information. Some will want it said quickly if their brain is engaged and able to connect multiple concepts which already exist in their schema of learning. Others require longer pauses between the concepts being discussed, which makes sense, doesn’t it? They are searching through their internal knowledge to attach this new information to something previously stored there. This is without considering Special Educational Needs such as Dyslexia, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Autism, and Speech and Language needs out of the many that affect any one classroom. 

While we are on the topic of different capacities for learning on a given day, let’s also talk about the anxiety that comes from doing something that you hate. Your child is human like the rest of us. Like the rest of us, they identify with certain subjects more than others. Some of the most secure students can grasp concepts in the core subjects, meaning that they will never be flagged for falling behind despite their optional subjects falling through the cracks – because those subjects are not ‘as important’. For others, their passion lies within the subjects they excel at (or vice versa), so their sense of self is not eroded by their failings in subjects they deem irrelevant. However, some students come alive in subjects that are not part of the core curriculum, subjects that their parents don’t see as ‘proper’ subjects, or subjects that unfortunately don’t align with their ideal career. 

At this point, a young person who until now has been a child and lived each day trying to make sense of the world around them has to decide why their strengths feel so incongruous to the expectations being placed on them. This is exactly where the learning point is that life isn’t fair; there is standardised testing, there are blanket requirements, and there are expectations from them as part of this population that, if they had been born in a different century, wouldn’t have affected them in the same way. 

As parents, you have an incredibly important job in rebalancing the scales and reminding the young person that, as a functioning society, we need people with varied skill sets who are ready to take on jobs that don’t even exist yet because of the speed of innovation within technology and engineering.  

When you look at a learner from this perspective, it’s easy to see that their falling behind in one or two subjects out of their whole curriculum goes far beyond them not being good enough, not trying hard enough or, more importantly, doing a good enough job as a parent. From physiological needs to social needs, from learning needs to the need for a strong sense of self-identity, I hope I have convinced you that young people are trying their best to do their best.

Anxiety, the enemy of progress

When I start working with a new learner and unpicking their understanding of Mathematical concepts, the first observations are around their level of anxiety – because anxiety is not an excuse, it can alter a person’s behaviour to become a version of themselves that we don’t recognise at the flick of a switch. To understand why anxiety is such a barrier, we need to understand that anxiety keeps us safe. It doesn’t help us create, envision or even problem solve effectively. 

To develop in a subject and overcome hurdles stopping them, students need to feel safe enough to make mistakes, admit when they are confused, and speak up when their processing is at capacity, and they can’t absorb any more information. Children who have repeatedly experienced negative interactions with Maths will often opt out of giving any suggestions when I explain new concepts to them. They may glaze over, holding onto the words I am saying rather than thinking about the concepts I am presenting. They will often be able to repeat my instruction word for word but won’t know the first step. This is an interaction that many parents who have tried to support their children will be familiar with, and it’s at this point that they might feel despair, exasperation and even disbelief at the three words that a child utters; “I don’t know”.

The work of a tutor is to dig deeper than just not knowing, and that’s where the training kicks in – taking a trauma-informed approach allows me to use empathy with curiosity to help this student regulate.

An investment in your child, yourself and ultimately your relationship with them

A tutor can target the work your child needs to do, ensuring that they cover high-quality content quickly. This means they’ll be able to get through their studying in less time and return to spending time as a family in the evenings. Hiring a tutor will also model to your child the need to invest in themselves in all aspects of life; they don’t need to struggle on their own or develop crippling anxiety around the subjects that cause them most barriers. Your child deserves to feel supported by their parents and you deserve to sleep easy, knowing that you have control over the education that they receive.

The reality is that you have done enough. You have given your child everything you have, and you deserve support along the way from a professional who is going to help improve your relationship, who has the skills to remove anxiety around the specific subject and to give your child the gentle encouragement and support that they need to be the best version of themselves.

 Ana Maria Ocampo Lucumi is the Director of Reclaim Ed, where she has dedicated herself to tutoring learners from Key Stage 2 all the way to adulthood in the world of Mathematics. With a firm belief in catering to the individual needs of each student, she strives to foster for her learners to develop a positive mindset towards their Maths education.

What distinguishes Ana Maria from other educators is her remarkable ability to break down complex concepts into smaller, more digestible parts. This approach allows learners to experience small wins and builds their confidence as they progress. Once a student masters a concept, Ana Maria capitalises on her extensive subject knowledge to stretch their understanding further, helping them avoid misconceptions moving forward.

Her enthusiasm for Mathematical problem-solving means that parents can trust her to effectively cover their children's Maths education, allowing them to focus on the many other tasks that fill their busy days. With Ana Maria as their tutor, students are empowered to embrace Maths with confidence and curiosity.

You can reach out to Ana Maria on Instagram or email her at [email protected]