MEET MARIE FRASER, FOUNDER OF MARIE FRASER CONSULTING

SO, MARIE, WHAT’S YOUR STORY?

I thought I knew it all aged 16. Which 16 year old doesn't? I did know that school was not for me. I felt incredibly unstimulated. I wanted to get out and into the real world. I was a bit of a rebel but was so lucky because my parents have always supported me. I was also fortunate because my English teacher, whose name I'm ashamed to say I've forgotten, but I can still see her in my mind, took a shine to me. She saw something in me that I felt in myself, but the other teachers certainly didn't! She arranged a job interview for me with her friend, the senior partner of a law firm. I started at the lowly position of office junior but absolutely loved it. This was my calling. I would do anything and everything as I was eager to learn, like a sponge soaking everything up. 

I moved up through the ranks, and the firm paid for my legal education, which was tough working full time. Within five years, I was running my own clients and a satellite office. I moved to London for love, where I spent many years in a handful of law firms, mainly in property. One particular solopreneur lawyer I worked for had me set up two offices for him in Portugal, which was a great experience. 

The last position I had was working as a partnership secretary for an international law firm managing the London and East European offices. This was a fantastic opportunity and unearthed in me all kinds of skills I never knew I had. I managed people, different cultures,  expectations, staff and staff welfare, and setting, maintaining, and reaching deadlines; the list is endless. This job also gave me access to some beautiful parts of America, where I would spend a few weeks in each of the various 14 offices we had there. 

My career had always been a priority for me, but I woke up one day out of nowhere, and the only thing on my mind was becoming a mother before 'time' ran out. I was in my late 30's and had a few emotionally devastating miscarriages. But then, joy of joys, I was pregnant again, and this time the most precious thing slid into my life. I was beyond thrilled but in equal measure terrified. I was now responsible for this little helpless thing, another human life! Even though my baby was precious to me, so was my job, and I went back to work within three months with both babies. 

At 11.30 am on 1 June 1998, the day after my youngest son’s first birthday my world imploded. The paediatrician coldly and very matter of factly told me he had cerebral palsy. I could, and maybe one day I will write a book about that journey. I can't really articulate how I felt. I didn't know what it meant; I didn't know whether it was life-limiting. Please, God, let me wake up from this nightmare. Life is not a dress rehearsal, and there's no manual for it. You're thrown right in there, and you never know what it's going to throw right back at you.

What I do know is that that life deals you a deck of cards that you can deal with, and that's different for every single one of us. Nothing can prepare you for a sick child; it is the cruellest scenario because you would rather it be yourself. 

I have spent years taking my son around the country to various specialists and therapists from iridology, cranial-sacral therapy, osteopathy to conductive education. We have tried pretty much everything. The specialists gave me little hope, which at the time I thought was incredibly cruel. But of course, now I can understand because as a neurological disability, one has to see how this neuro disability will affect the person as they get older. I experienced tremendous grief. Grief for the child I thought I had, for the fact that my child will never be able to lead a 'normal' independent life, never be able to do anything spontaneously and for the fact that he will never be able to have the same opportunities as his brother. What will happen to him when I'm not here? Every day that makes me sad.

In the past 11 years, I have managed 4 special educational needs tribunals for my son, standing up to and fighting the local authority for his rights to education, health and care. These particular experiences warrant another book because I swear the general public would be appalled if they knew just how despicable, inhumane, and vindictive some local authorities are towards special educational and disabled children and families like mine. 

Like many people, I've experienced my fair share of trauma. I was mugged and assaulted on two separate occasions. An intruder sledge-hammered down my front door and invaded my personal space whilst I was sleeping. I was married to a narcissist for 27 years and endured all the emotional abuse that's part of the narcissist's arsenal. I tell you this not for sympathy, but to demonstrate how one can go from being an extremely confident woman to one whose confidence and self-esteem was broken and then back again. 

When I eventually broke free from that abusive relationship, I rebuilt myself into the woman I am today. Smarter, stronger, full of confidence, fun, joie de vivre, and much kinder to myself. As my children grew older, I retrained in various modalities and now work as a clinical hypnotherapist and certified life coach. My passion lies in relationships, especially the relationship you have with yourself. You can be your own best friend or your own worst enemy. There will be stuff you don't like about yourself, and that's ok, change it or accept it. It gives me the greatest joy to help people love and accept themselves, no matter what they have endured. The relationship you have with yourself affects every aspect of your life, your happiness, your success, your relationships, EVERYTHING! 

My personal values are Courage, Freedom, Fun, Justice and Authenticity. They are the core of who I am and what I bring to my practice.

YOU'RE A BIG ADVOCATE FOR SELF-CARE AND BOUNDARIES. WHAT DOES THAT LOOK LIKE FOR YOU AS A MOTHER AND BUSINESSWOMAN?

As a mother, children want and need boundaries - it makes them feel safe, know where they are with you, and be consistent. BUT OMG, do they like to push the limits. My eldest son and I still laugh about that today. When he was asserting his personality and seeing how far I would go, he would ask me several times the same question if my initial answer had been 'no'. It's draining as a parent, but so essential to stick with it. As he got older and wanted to stay over at a friend's house, he would mither me for a 'yes' I would tell him if he wants an answer now - it's a 'no'. Still, if he waits until I have the time to call his friend's parents and check with them, it may be a 'yes.'

In business, I have learned to do the things that are authentic to me. For example, there are various social media platforms that I really do not like - I may miss a trick, but they don't sit right with me, so I don't use them. I work between the hours of 8 am and 6 pm, 4 days a week. The rest of the week is for me to pursue my interests and things that light me up (self-care). I am always upfront with clients so that they know exactly what's involved when they work with me from the outset.